omg she’s so sweet, I’m going to die. :( This makes it real. Like really really real. I’ve learned so much in my time here and I feel like the past six months have been filled with just waiting and biding time, but it’s finally here. In two and a half hours, I’ll be unemployed. I leave in six days. I’m freaking out and I’m sad about leaving and I’m seriously starting to cry and let me tell you crying when you work at a front desk behind an entire wall of glass doors…there’s nowhere to hide. I’m so grateful from everything I’ve gotten from this job. Even the fact that it went longer than the three weeks it was initially intended to be, I’m so glad. I’m so thankful for everything this job has taught me and how much it’s going to help me in the future. The people I’ve met here are inexpressibly wonderful and have helped me so much.
This job has been so much of my life for the past 20 months, it’s hard to imagine anything without it. I’m leaving behind everything I know and I’m comfortable with and it just terrifies me. I’ve lived here my whole life (minus living on campus, which honestly doesn’t count much), I’ve been at UMKC for four years, I worked here for over a year and a half. It’s like I decided to get rid of all the things I enjoy and am comfortable with and move on. I know why, I know every thing is going to be so wonderfully different from now on, but it just terrifies me and I want nothing more than to wake up at 6:30 on Monday morning and be at my desk by 8 because it’s so much easier. I’ve always lived my life in such a scared way, never really taking any chances that I wanted to. I’ve sat by and watched as some of my biggest hopes and dreams just skipped on past because I was too afraid to try and fail. But I decided to jump in the deep end and now I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t paralyzingly terrified. I’m taking probably the biggest risk I could have fathomed and there’s no guessing how things will work out or turn out and that’s scary. But I have to do this and I know I can.
God, I really hope I don’t get this emotional again when I write the email I was going to send to everyone (just thanking them for everything and with a link to my travel blog), because if I’m sitting here and sobbing with a guy in here, it’s going to be incredibly weird.
